Now there’s a question I get a lot. A bit of background for those not in the know. In 2002 I moved to Australia with my then wife. Our new life started wonderfully, but then through various faults and mistakes (some mine and some hers) the relationship slowly fell apart. This probably had a lot to do with the immense amount of pot I was smoking at the time but then it also probably had a lot to do with the fact that she did not want to be married. In fact she admitted later down the line that she should never have said yes when I asked her to marry me. But then I am not writing this article to lay blame. Far from it. As much as I struggled with the break up, I am not bitter about what happened. I spent 7 years in a beautiful country, had many great adventures, met some brilliant people (George, Asi, Tezka, Nadine, Ethan (RIP)) and even made some short films that have since become part of the Australian National Archive. But therein lies the rub. Whenever I talk like this (ie positively), there are some people who almost expect me to be bitter. Like the battles and experiences I went through should not have made me a better and stronger person but rather, I should be a dribbling bitter mess, unwilling to communicate or interact with society in any civil way. Now this may be the way some people live their lives but not me. It may sound like a cliche but I was brought up to believe what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger: my head may have been screwed at the time and emotionally I was a wreck but, I wasn’t dead. This was an important realisation for me, a moment of clarity the like of which I had never really had before. It was at this stage that I started to concentrate on being me and proving to myself that I was more than an embittered divorcee with a grudge to bare. I started to smile again. I was able to listen to sad songs again without getting teary. But all this is not the reason I came back.
There are times and places in my life where everything is good and just as I want it to be. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. After 2 years living apart from my ex and ‘being Pip’, I felt the time had come to embrace the shores of our tiny island again. It wasn’t because I was unhappy. It wasn’t because I didn’t like Australia. In fact quite the opposite I loved it. There were many parties, gigs and festivals in the scorching Victorian desert that I hold as defining experiences for me. No the reason was, quite simply, that the UK is home to me and I never really felt that in Australia. You can dis this strange little island all you like (believe me, it’s a national sport for the Aussies) but I do love it here. I love how green the countryside gets after a couple of months of summer rain. I love our rugged and spectacular coastlines. There is a huge list I could write but I won’t bore you with my affection for these isles.
This is me, Nathan and Stuart about a week before I left for Aus in 2002. The pic on my tee is my ex as a little girl. Yes she had a matching one of me!
I also have my rather brilliant family here of course, and two wonderful nephews. Most importantly I have no regrets about any of this. To me, as sad as some of my experiences were, it was all part of the bigger adventure that is defining me. And no I don’t hold anything against my ex wife. I miss her and what we had but I fear if it were not for these experiences I would not be the ‘Pip’ that is sat here writing these words.
Rachael says:
I don’t need to
for you. Keep going. Onwards, upwards and no regrets x
Write here what I think of what you’ve written here because you know but just a little
Christine says:
“People come into your life for a reason. They teach you something about yourself, or something about others.” The greatest gift is being able to decipher when the lessons have run their course and it is time to move on, or whether you can spend an eternity learning with someone. In the time I have gotten to know you, you are a very wise individual. All of your lessons in life have been well worth it my friend, because you have a lot to teach. xx
Porridge says:
Brave you.
I can relate. Bit further behind in the ‘getting over it’ process, but trying to find the same kind of peace. I never wanted to be ‘that’ woman that was forever slagging off her ex and feeding her internal boiling pot of anger and resentment the whole time – I have no need to be. He was a good guy, we got on brilliantly (well, most of the time), it just didn’t work out, that’s all.
Life changes, we change. Those are about the two things you can most rely on as an alive person. Coming through it with some dignity, growing from it, and not being afraid to take new risks and let go of the past, that’s about all we can do really.
Good on you Pip. Here’s to the future xx